​There is still a voice in my head that has to speak to the little girl inside of me and remind her that she is not an accident, that she is not abandoned, that she is seen and loved. 

There are times when those emotions get stirred up more than others and this past weekend was one of them. Conversations that I have never had before with people about my past... good conversations, but still difficult to understand, brought back questions that I thought I had resolved and new questions that I never imagined to ask.

As I sat with these new thoughts, I found the tears rolling down my face were really the only means to communicate my heart to the Lord. They shared with God what my words would have only fumbled through. And He heard me. He comforted me. 

The pain and the sting isn't quite gone, but that's okay because through it I am able to hear a voice that is louder than my doubts. I can still hear the voice of God.

I have been struggling the last few weeks in leading a particular worship song at my events. I even told my husband "I am trashing this song because I just can't seem to get it right."

But, through this momentary trial, I know that now, as I sing this song, I will be singing it from a place that I would not have sung it before. I will be singing and leading from a place that has struggled, is struggling, yet still stands confidently in what God says about me.

"I am chosen, not forsaken, I am who He says I am"

I'm taking THAT thought captive and standing on the promises of God. "He is for me, not against me."

My friends, He is for YOU too. If you, like me, at times feel forgotten, abandoned and alone, can I just encourage you to cry out to God... scream out to Him... ask Him to remind you, by any means necessary, that you are loved.

Please welcome guest blogger, Melanie Moscicki, as she shares a post that originally appeared on her site "From Faith, With Love"

God the Potter…
I’m nearing the end of wrapping up my Mending Your Soul class, though I am well aware the real work is just beginning in me. It’s been a long emotional journey, but is not without the reward of comfort and endurance that can only come from Him. For someone who has spent countless years fighting to stand strong WITHOUT God, laying all the brokeness and shortcoming out at His feet has been mortifying, humbling, and healing all in the same breath. May the words of my heart give hope to those still trapped in the prison that is your past. 

The Potter
~A Poem by Melanie Moscicki
Mending the Soul 2014
Another year,
a million tears,
so many times she’s tried
To fix the broken little girl,
she buried deep inside.
He says to her,
“Come follow me,
I’ll make you new again”
but the walls she built are far too strong
to ever let Him in.
She hears the sounds of laughter,
of joy she’s never known
Could it be? A girl like SHE
should live on LOVE-alone?
So many scars from trusting
cracks from being dropped,
cast aside as nothing
but an empty, broken pot.
But He says He’s a potter…
The best there ever was,
and He says I’m HIS daughter…
and His work has just begun.


Isaiah 64:8 says “Yet you LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are the work of your hand.” I pray that each of us can grasp this truth in the depths of our soul. We are not finished friend, we are each works in progress by the creator of ALL that IS and that ever WAS, the God of miracles, the God of redemption, the God that makes ALL THINGS new.
~ From Faith, With Love,
Melanie

***Physical, sexual, verbal, spiritual, or neglectful- abuse deadens the emotions, slays the self-worth, cripples the mind, even destroys the body. Mending The Soul is a Biblically grounded and psychologically informed first-of-its-kind comprehensive approach to understanding and treating every form of abuse. You can find out more about the program and where to get plugged in HERE.
Video about Mending The Soul

I love starting my day off early. You know, at the trailhead around 5:30 am, head-lamp strapped on and dog in tow (or dog towing me.)

My Charlie-girl loves hiking, jumping up rocks and watching the sunrise with me. This past Monday was no exception. After our trek up the mountain and down, back around the base, and then up and down again, we returned to our car to find the passenger window smashed in, glass all over the seat and the glove compartment open with the contents throw on the floor of the car.

I stood at my car, staring in disbelief and said to Charlie-girl "Well, this sucks!" I then noticed that the car next to me had also been broken into and the thought of this other vehicle being violated caused my heart to ache more than the reality of my own loss. 

As I called the police two women walked up. As they approached, the owner saw the reality of what had happened. At this realization, her eyes welled up with tears, her heart dropped and I could see the sadness overwhelm her.

Now, as for Charlie-girl... her take way from the whole incident was the great joy of getting to ride with the window wide open. Yep, even Charlie and I process things differently.

​I love you in the Lord, Mia

​Typically when I write about my bouts with depression, it's after I have moved through and found victory. I do this mostly because I feel that when I do open up to anyone outside of my husband (who knows me so well), people don't know how to respond....or they over respond, or they direct me to some feel good article or book.... or they just want to fix me because fixing me is easier that admitting that they can do nothing for me. I don't want people to fix me, I don't want to talk it out, I just want to make it through to the next moment without crying.

Today as I write, I am in the thick of it. Unlike other times when I am in the battle, I am not hunkered down in bed, unable to move. Instead, I am simply numb. I am numb to people, numb to their complaints about trivial issues, numb to their games. I am just numb to people's nonsense.  I don't have the emotional time or strength for it.

And not only to them, I am all about equal opportunity! I am numb to my own emotions, I am numb to my own concerns....except in that tiny area of my heart where there is a tingle, the tingle that cries out to the Lord to see me through, the tingle, that dares to feel, but not too much or else I may become overwhelmed, This is the tingle that allows me to function throughout the day. This tingle has a name and it's name is Hope....hope which knows that God will deliver me, yet again.

Depression hits me at the most inopportune times. When there are things to do, places to be, people to love. This shadow of depression wants me forget what I know to be true and not show up...to leave the "pulpit" empty. Well, I won't! If I have learned anything over and over again, it is that in my weakness, He is shown strong. That doesn't mean I want to run around depressed everyday so I can see how great God is. I would love to not have this battle, but what it does mean, is that If I am struggling, I will press into hope, press into truth and NOT FORGET what I know to be true.....greater is He that is in me (even when I am struggling) than he who is in the world.

Until God delivers me completely (and I know He will), I will continue to cry out to Him, my Deliverer. I know he is near even in my darkness, my loneliness and my isolation. He is as close to me as the mention of his name......CLOSER, still. He is my breath and my life. I will breath Him in and exhale. 

Even now, as I sit in my spiritual and emotional  hospital, He cares for me. He is my respirator and I am being revived, moment by moment, breath by breath. He knows the deep concerns of my heart and those things that I cry out to Him about in my isolation. He hears and He cares. 

So, whether, you are in the hospital right now or out feeling better than ever, the truth remains that hope remains, The Lord, God hears our tender pleas, and our unspoken prayers. He knows our needs and He is near to us, He is near the brokenhearted and will bind us up.

So my fellow patient, my fellow struggler, remember what is true. Don't think that just because we are limping that we can't stand. Be quick to stand in Him, my friend. Even in the thick of it, God uses us, He can lift our head to speak truth, sing love and bring praise. It just might not be as easy as it was before. But God...

So there it is. That's where I am at. Now, if you still have the need to fix me, go ahead, but go to the Real Fixer, the one that can actually handle it. He's got me...He's got YOU!

Love you in the Lord, Mia

I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle. I struggle with Anxiety, trust and depression. I am hopeful because of the struggle, it means I have not given up, It means that I continue to battle. It means that God is not done with me yet. #TheStruggleIsReal

Sunday, I found myself in the battle. I did not know why I was immobile, unable to move, feeling heavy and sad. All I knew is that by 4pm, after a day of isolating myself from my family, their activities and conversations, I could either continue to lay down or I could get up and FIGHT. I chose to fight. I chose to move through the heaviness, to move through the sadness and the weight of my unknown grief.

So, I got on my dancing shoes (my trail-runners) and I hit the mountain. My husband joined me. My husband, who also did not know the source of my sadness, walked with me, he hiked with me and he ran beside me quietly as we hit the trails. And then it happened, around mile three, I could feel the weight lifting and my eyes open to see the light of the new day. Then, by our fifth mile, I felt like a brand new person.

Depression has a way of creeping in unexpectedly, lurking and crouching, hoping that we will continue to lay in it, continue to listen to it and believe what it has to say. Depression thrives on immobility.

​As someone that has struggled with depression most of my life, I know that in the intricacy of how I am made, that I may continue to struggle with it until I am called home to heaven, sometimes alone, sometimes with someone walking beside me, sometimes with some saying (after a few days) "Get up off the couch and move!" I believe that there is truth to what the medical field has said regarding the benefits of exercise to combat depression. There is something in the way that we are designed that allows movement to re-set us and help us to dig ourselves out of the funk that we can be in.

For those of us that struggle occasionally and those that struggle often, know that there is hope. Sometimes, we fight alone, sometimes we fight with someone beside us, sometimes we fight with the aid of medication and sometimes....no, ALL THE TIME we fight with the the Lord at our side.

The Lord says that we can cast all of our cares, even when we don't know what they are, upon him. The Lord, who says that His yoke is easy and His burden light, calls us to take His yoke on us. The Lord will never leave us or forsake us in our sadness or in our struggles. Our Lord, who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imaging is by our side.

Today, if this is you, fight. Fight to move. Fight to lift your eyes up to the source of life and light. Fight to get up. You got this, because He's got you!

As one who remembers, I love you in the Lord,
​Mia