Recently, the pain in my back became too much to push through. I couldn't figure out how to manage it on my own, so I went for help. I would say my biggest inspiration and motivation for seeking help was my new grandson, Gabriel. I love hugging, kissing and nibbling on his toes. I love to hold him and rock him. However, Gabe likes it when you stand and hold him or walk with him. When I would do this, I found the pain in my lower back to be too much. Even sitting was becoming difficult, so in order to be a Grandma on the go, I went to the chiropractor.
The x-rays showed several issues and we so began treatment. Within a week of treatment, I could sit longer, stand longer and I was not in 24/7 pain. And guess what? As an added bonus I have not had a single hot flash in a month! Little did I know that chiropractic work helped with my menopause issues as well.
But then there were days that things would flare or get worse. It was part of the process on the road to recovery. I was given information on retracing and our body's 4 responses to care.
I had to ask myself, "was she giving this information to me only for my back or did she know that my emotional and mental well being were also struggling and in need of an adjustment and healing?"
There I was and I had a choice to make. Would I:
1. Quit and the "damage never heals & symptoms return" and end up in the same place I started.. in pain.
2. Get care and "feel better right away and heal with a few flare ups" to arrive in a healthy place.
3. Get care and feel "the same and gradually get better" to arrive in a healthy place
4. Get care and "feel worse at first and gradually get better" to arrive in a healthy place
These are not only the 4 responses to chiropractic care they seem very similar to my mental health care. I am seriously asking myself. Do I even want to heal? But more precisely, Do I want to go through the pain it takes to heal. Healing hurts. Remembering and having to deal with the past is painful, especially since I thought I was past all of that. Until recently, I didn't even realize that I was still holding on to bitterness from my past. Mostly because I simply wasn't forced to face it.
God sees my hurt and he sees my hesitation.
But I want to face it. I want to heal, even if it difficult.
Most days are a battle. God is Good. God is good. God is good!
I pre-scheduled a certain graphic to post on my Facebook page last week. At the time, I shared it to encourage those that visit my page. Little did I know at the time, it was posted to encourage me.
You see, I have been battling.
I LOVE my time on the road, the Lord sustains me, but when I come home and decompress, it all comes out at the most inopportune moments.
The other day, I attended my Turbo Kick class which is such a great way to de-stress! About 15 minutes in, not only did my stress release, but it manifested itself in tears. Not wanting my instructor to witness my breakdown, I quickly left and headed to the locker-room where I let it out (thank You Lord that there was no one in there.)
I just bawled... overwhelmed... confused... tired... exhausted.
The workout warrior in me was not gonna let this stop me. I battled back, let the tears finish their business and returned to class.
I knew that I needed to be broken, but I also knew that I needed to battle. Depression hits me, but one thing I know is that I can't let my body loose motion, so I move... actually, I kick, I jump, I bur-bee!
What God shows me in the battle is that He is still good... that this too will end... that His Word is true and that weeping may remain for the night....many nights, but JOY comes!
That is the sure hope. Joy comes in the battle; not just at the end.
So friends, it's okay to sit down and weep, you are still counted as a warrior. The battle belongs to God and He will not fall back. Press on when it's hard, Press on when it's dark, press on when you feel all hope is gone, because you know that it is not.
What happens when three (Anita Renfroe, Melissa Spoelstra & Mia Koehne) ill and sick women roll out of bed, jump on an airplane, slap on some makeup and lipstick and deliver a night of learning laughter stories and music? Lives change!
Melissa had a days head start on feeling a little better, but Anita and I rolled out of our beds, sucked it up, got on a plane and we all did what we were created to do.
I can already hear people saying “Mia, you need to rest, Mia sometimes God has to knock you down to let you know you need to slow down” to which I say. "I hear you, but do you hear me?”
Honestly, I don't think people want me to publicly post and write about all the times I rest during the week? If I did, the readers would probably tell me to get moving and stop slacking!!
You see, what I do is what I was designed to do, and not necessarily what others were designed to do. Lord knows I could NOT hold down a 9-5 job or a 7am-9pm job like my husband.
So, for me, calling in sick, not jumping on an airplane and staying home if I am able to move for my 1-3 day a week “job” is NOT an option and for that I am thankful. WHY? Because of what I witnessed AGAIN at an event I went to even though I was sick, on meds and barely able to function.
A women came up to me and said “I want you to know, I was contemplating suicide. Someone called me and said they had an extra ticket, so I came. Then you shared and sang a song and reminded me that I am not alone. Thank you.”
THIS IS WHY I DON’T STAY IN BED. This women in her pain reminded me that calling in sick is not an option. The doctor who wanted to write me a note so I could stay home, who thought I was crazy when I said “It’s not an option” ... kinda makes me chuckle.
It is times and instances like this when I am reminded that what I do is life or death ... and by the grace of God I am reminded of that weekly.
Sadly, this women’s story is not new, I hear these words often, but it’s when I am so very tired, when I have absolutely nothing, when I am worn down and all I have is the strength and grace of God that I realize more fully how powerful His Spirit is in His weak servants that simply show up.
I am glad that I have people that fervently pray for me. Those prayers are heard as evidenced everyday of my life especially when I am ill. I love that I have people that “get me” and walk through the trenches to deliver the Gospel of Jesus Christ and hope to the lost and suicidal.
I am thankful for a husband that loves me deeply, sacrificially, and unconditionally sends me out weekly to shine a light on Jesus. He is the best!!
And to my sick ("crazy, cool and insane" as defined by Urban Dictionary) chicks, I'm so honored to serve alongside them in our weakness so that the name of Jesus continues to be lifted high!
May you, too, press on to be a light even in your weakness in the wonderful and creative way that God has designed you to.
This may be the first day, in what seems like forever (time is uneding in the dark and reality skewed), that I have actually smiled and meant it. Today, December 22, 2016, I smiled!
Depression hits me out of nowhere sometimes and it seems that no matter what I do, I can't shake it, so through the motions, I go.
Today, those motions felt more powerful, today those motions weren't so difficult...today, I smiled and I meant it.
Yesterday, while out on a lunch date with my sweetheart, I received a phone call from a friend who does not often call on the phone. I felt I needed to take it even though I was enjoying some rare time with my busy husband. I answered the call to hear her say that she was just thinking about me and wanted to call.
I took the opportunity to share a prayer request, later followed by a text message telling her I had been struggling and her phone call came at the perfect time.
As is the case, most times, I find that once I speak the darkness into the light and share with others who will lift me up in prayer, the power it has over me is broken. As I shared, I could already feel the weight lifting. Depression wants to isolate me and too often, I let it.
Yes, going through the motions helped, but ultimately, for me, speaking it out loud to others who come in agreement before for the Lord in the name of Jesus breaks every chain that is bound in me.
Thank you Lord.
Can I encourage you, during this season of Joy, that often times feels anything but, do not be tempted to isolate yourself, but allow others to stand alongside you in prayer. You may find that it eases the load and may allow you to see the light and promise to come.
Joyful Christmas and I love you in the Lord, Mia
In case you haven't noticed, I love to hike. I love to get outdoors in the wee hours and move. That's fun for me. That's the easy part.
What is not as fun for me is going to the gym...doing my reps and sets of squats, push ups, crunches, planks, curls etc.
If I don't keep my core strong, I ache all over, my back hurts and I am all out of whack.....so, typically after my time hiking up a mountain, I head down and I go to the gym, I do the work.
Guess what, That's kinda like life and ministry. Fellowship with others as Christ has called us to do can be the fun part, but it's the time in the Word that keeps our core strong, without that time and the strengthening of our spiritual muscles, we become weak, we limp and we walk hesitantly.
So whether in body or spirit, keep your core strong today and work out those muscles, the muscles that no one sees, the muscles that can change your life and your walk AND the lives of those around you.
Happy Workout! I love you in the Lord!
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.