I pre-scheduled a certain graphic to post on my Facebook page last week. At the time, I shared it to encourage those that visit my page. Little did I know at the time, it was posted to encourage me.
You see, I have been battling.
I LOVE my time on the road, the Lord sustains me, but when I come home and decompress, it all comes out at the most inopportune moments.
The other day, I attended my Turbo Kick class which is such a great way to de-stress! About 15 minutes in, not only did my stress release, but it manifested itself in tears. Not wanting my instructor to witness my breakdown, I quickly left and headed to the locker-room where I let it out (thank You Lord that there was no one in there.)
I just bawled... overwhelmed... confused... tired... exhausted.
The workout warrior in me was not gonna let this stop me. I battled back, let the tears finish their business and returned to class.
I knew that I needed to be broken, but I also knew that I needed to battle. Depression hits me, but one thing I know is that I can't let my body loose motion, so I move... actually, I kick, I jump, I bur-bee!
What God shows me in the battle is that He is still good... that this too will end... that His Word is true and that weeping may remain for the night....many nights, but JOY comes!
That is the sure hope. Joy comes in the battle; not just at the end.
So friends, it's okay to sit down and weep, you are still counted as a warrior. The battle belongs to God and He will not fall back. Press on when it's hard, Press on when it's dark, press on when you feel all hope is gone, because you know that it is not.
If you have a chance to read the first half of Psalm 22, verses 1-18, you will find that it's basically David crying out to God saying... "God, you have left me. I'm being attacked. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm shriveling away. I have no strength. I have nothing. WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?!?!"
There are times we may feel alone and abandoned by people and the reality is maybe, we are. There are times when we feel like our strength is gone and maybe, it is. There are times when we may be hungry, thirsty and walking the streets.... abused, attacked and left to die.
Pretending like these things aren't real means one has shut their eyes to the reality of pain that surrounds us and those in our community who are lost and hurting. This world can be brutal, this world can let us down.
Yet, in the midst of this, as David begins his cry for God to simply respond, David says this: "Yet, you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.” Psalms 22:3
Life can suck, it really can, YET God is on the throne and worthy to be praised!
If you are in the thick of it, lost, alone, hurt and desperate, you, like David, in the midst of the pain can still cry out and say "Yet, You are Holy"
It's hard. I know, I have been there, but that soul stretching cry is the chorus that reaches straight to the ears of God who sees, hears, responds and loves.
Our Lord doesn't sit on a cold throne. He sits on a heavenly throne of praise that extends to the the depth of where we are right down to the very whisper of our heart. We are not alone.
This may be the first day, in what seems like forever (time is uneding in the dark and reality skewed), that I have actually smiled and meant it. Today, December 22, 2016, I smiled!
Depression hits me out of nowhere sometimes and it seems that no matter what I do, I can't shake it, so through the motions, I go.
Today, those motions felt more powerful, today those motions weren't so difficult...today, I smiled and I meant it.
Yesterday, while out on a lunch date with my sweetheart, I received a phone call from a friend who does not often call on the phone. I felt I needed to take it even though I was enjoying some rare time with my busy husband. I answered the call to hear her say that she was just thinking about me and wanted to call.
I took the opportunity to share a prayer request, later followed by a text message telling her I had been struggling and her phone call came at the perfect time.
As is the case, most times, I find that once I speak the darkness into the light and share with others who will lift me up in prayer, the power it has over me is broken. As I shared, I could already feel the weight lifting. Depression wants to isolate me and too often, I let it.
Yes, going through the motions helped, but ultimately, for me, speaking it out loud to others who come in agreement before for the Lord in the name of Jesus breaks every chain that is bound in me.
Thank you Lord.
Can I encourage you, during this season of Joy, that often times feels anything but, do not be tempted to isolate yourself, but allow others to stand alongside you in prayer. You may find that it eases the load and may allow you to see the light and promise to come.
Joyful Christmas and I love you in the Lord, Mia
Please welcome guest blogger, Melanie Moscicki, as she shares a post that originally appeared on her site "From Faith, With Love"
God the Potter…
I’m nearing the end of wrapping up my Mending Your Soul class, though I am well aware the real work is just beginning in me. It’s been a long emotional journey, but is not without the reward of comfort and endurance that can only come from Him. For someone who has spent countless years fighting to stand strong WITHOUT God, laying all the brokeness and shortcoming out at His feet has been mortifying, humbling, and healing all in the same breath. May the words of my heart give hope to those still trapped in the prison that is your past.
~A Poem by Melanie Moscicki
Mending the Soul 2014
a million tears,
so many times she’s tried
To fix the broken little girl,
she buried deep inside.
He says to her,
“Come follow me,
I’ll make you new again”
but the walls she built are far too strong
to ever let Him in.
She hears the sounds of laughter,
of joy she’s never known
Could it be? A girl like SHE
should live on LOVE-alone?
So many scars from trusting
cracks from being dropped,
cast aside as nothing
but an empty, broken pot.
But He says He’s a potter…
The best there ever was,
and He says I’m HIS daughter…
and His work has just begun.
Isaiah 64:8 says “Yet you LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are the work of your hand.” I pray that each of us can grasp this truth in the depths of our soul. We are not finished friend, we are each works in progress by the creator of ALL that IS and that ever WAS, the God of miracles, the God of redemption, the God that makes ALL THINGS new.
~ From Faith, With Love,
***Physical, sexual, verbal, spiritual, or neglectful- abuse deadens the emotions, slays the self-worth, cripples the mind, even destroys the body. Mending The Soul is a Biblically grounded and psychologically informed first-of-its-kind comprehensive approach to understanding and treating every form of abuse. You can find out more about the program and where to get plugged in HERE.
Video about Mending The Soul
Typically when I write about my bouts with depression, it's after I have moved through and found victory. I do this mostly because I feel that when I do open up to anyone outside of my husband (who knows me so well), people don't know how to respond....or they over respond, or they direct me to some feel good article or book.... or they just want to fix me because fixing me is easier that admitting that they can do nothing for me. I don't want people to fix me, I don't want to talk it out, I just want to make it through to the next moment without crying.
Today as I write, I am in the thick of it. Unlike other times when I am in the battle, I am not hunkered down in bed, unable to move. Instead, I am simply numb. I am numb to people, numb to their complaints about trivial issues, numb to their games. I am just numb to people's nonsense. I don't have the emotional time or strength for it.
And not only to them, I am all about equal opportunity! I am numb to my own emotions, I am numb to my own concerns....except in that tiny area of my heart where there is a tingle, the tingle that cries out to the Lord to see me through, the tingle, that dares to feel, but not too much or else I may become overwhelmed, This is the tingle that allows me to function throughout the day. This tingle has a name and it's name is Hope....hope which knows that God will deliver me, yet again.
Depression hits me at the most inopportune times. When there are things to do, places to be, people to love. This shadow of depression wants me forget what I know to be true and not show up...to leave the "pulpit" empty. Well, I won't! If I have learned anything over and over again, it is that in my weakness, He is shown strong. That doesn't mean I want to run around depressed everyday so I can see how great God is. I would love to not have this battle, but what it does mean, is that If I am struggling, I will press into hope, press into truth and NOT FORGET what I know to be true.....greater is He that is in me (even when I am struggling) than he who is in the world.
Until God delivers me completely (and I know He will), I will continue to cry out to Him, my Deliverer. I know he is near even in my darkness, my loneliness and my isolation. He is as close to me as the mention of his name......CLOSER, still. He is my breath and my life. I will breath Him in and exhale.
Even now, as I sit in my spiritual and emotional hospital, He cares for me. He is my respirator and I am being revived, moment by moment, breath by breath. He knows the deep concerns of my heart and those things that I cry out to Him about in my isolation. He hears and He cares.
So, whether, you are in the hospital right now or out feeling better than ever, the truth remains that hope remains, The Lord, God hears our tender pleas, and our unspoken prayers. He knows our needs and He is near to us, He is near the brokenhearted and will bind us up.
So my fellow patient, my fellow struggler, remember what is true. Don't think that just because we are limping that we can't stand. Be quick to stand in Him, my friend. Even in the thick of it, God uses us, He can lift our head to speak truth, sing love and bring praise. It just might not be as easy as it was before. But God...
So there it is. That's where I am at. Now, if you still have the need to fix me, go ahead, but go to the Real Fixer, the one that can actually handle it. He's got me...He's got YOU!
Love you in the Lord, Mia
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.