Recently, the pain in my back became too much to push through. I couldn't figure out how to manage it on my own, so I went for help. I would say my biggest inspiration and motivation for seeking help was my new grandson, Gabriel. I love hugging, kissing and nibbling on his toes. I love to hold him and rock him. However, Gabe likes it when you stand and hold him or walk with him. When I would do this, I found the pain in my lower back to be too much. Even sitting was becoming difficult, so in order to be a Grandma on the go, I went to the chiropractor.
The x-rays showed several issues and we so began treatment. Within a week of treatment, I could sit longer, stand longer and I was not in 24/7 pain. And guess what? As an added bonus I have not had a single hot flash in a month! Little did I know that chiropractic work helped with my menopause issues as well.
But then there were days that things would flare or get worse. It was part of the process on the road to recovery. I was given information on retracing and our body's 4 responses to care.
I had to ask myself, "was she giving this information to me only for my back or did she know that my emotional and mental well being were also struggling and in need of an adjustment and healing?"
There I was and I had a choice to make. Would I:
1. Quit and the "damage never heals & symptoms return" and end up in the same place I started.. in pain.
2. Get care and "feel better right away and heal with a few flare ups" to arrive in a healthy place.
3. Get care and feel "the same and gradually get better" to arrive in a healthy place
4. Get care and "feel worse at first and gradually get better" to arrive in a healthy place
These are not only the 4 responses to chiropractic care they seem very similar to my mental health care. I am seriously asking myself. Do I even want to heal? But more precisely, Do I want to go through the pain it takes to heal. Healing hurts. Remembering and having to deal with the past is painful, especially since I thought I was past all of that. Until recently, I didn't even realize that I was still holding on to bitterness from my past. Mostly because I simply wasn't forced to face it.
God sees my hurt and he sees my hesitation.
But I want to face it. I want to heal, even if it difficult.
Most days are a battle. God is Good. God is good. God is good!
Today, of all days, I needed this! Sometimes the truth hurts, but I love that Jesus does not shy away from speaking to my heart so that I can be more like Him. When I opened my daily devotion and saw the verse from Matthew 12:28 which said "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest", I knew the Lord was talking to me. Anyone else?
But I immediately said, "Lord there is no labor here. I am not working, but I sure to feel heavy laden, so I'm going to come to you." I want to, as the verse goes on to say, take His yoke and learn from Him.
I know that as I learn more deeply to love the way Jesus loves, to serve the way Jesus does, that it is there and then that I will find rest, not for my body, I have enough of that, but rest for my soul. That's what I need. That has been my cry.
As I pressed into this truth and read the devotion from June 11th "My utmost For His Highest" it all made sense.
“…and I will give you rest”— that is, “I will sustain you, causing you to stand firm.” He is not saying, “I will put you to bed, hold your hand, and sing you to sleep.” But, in essence, He is saying, “I will get you out of bed— out of your listlessness and exhaustion, and out of your condition of being half dead while you are still alive. I will penetrate you with the spirit of life, and you will be sustained by the perfection of vital activity.” - Oswald Chambers
My soul is restless, because I have settled into being listless. I have slowly allowed being unable to do my "job" send me into a place of feeling grounded from taking on the yoke of Jesus, learning from him and then going out and doing what He does.
Today is a pivot. Today is a turning point. Today is the beginning of Jesus once again getting me out of bed, out of my listlessness and the exhausted state of my soul, acting like I am half dead and calling me to recognize the life giving vital activity He has for me.
Will it be easy? Probably not. Will I be tempted to crawl back under the covers of my depression? Probably so. Being depressed does not disqualify one from doing what God calls us to do. I will, however, wake up each day asking Jesus to let me learn by taking on His Yoke! That, I can do!
Thank you Lord for the perfect rest that you offer as we come to you.
Friends, do you need to take on His yoke and learn? Do you feel listless, tired and heavy laden? Jesus offers to all of us the remedy. The remedy is Him, one day, one moment, one breath at a time, yoked to Him. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
I pre-scheduled a certain graphic to post on my Facebook page last week. At the time, I shared it to encourage those that visit my page. Little did I know at the time, it was posted to encourage me.
You see, I have been battling.
I LOVE my time on the road, the Lord sustains me, but when I come home and decompress, it all comes out at the most inopportune moments.
The other day, I attended my Turbo Kick class which is such a great way to de-stress! About 15 minutes in, not only did my stress release, but it manifested itself in tears. Not wanting my instructor to witness my breakdown, I quickly left and headed to the locker-room where I let it out (thank You Lord that there was no one in there.)
I just bawled... overwhelmed... confused... tired... exhausted.
The workout warrior in me was not gonna let this stop me. I battled back, let the tears finish their business and returned to class.
I knew that I needed to be broken, but I also knew that I needed to battle. Depression hits me, but one thing I know is that I can't let my body loose motion, so I move... actually, I kick, I jump, I bur-bee!
What God shows me in the battle is that He is still good... that this too will end... that His Word is true and that weeping may remain for the night....many nights, but JOY comes!
That is the sure hope. Joy comes in the battle; not just at the end.
So friends, it's okay to sit down and weep, you are still counted as a warrior. The battle belongs to God and He will not fall back. Press on when it's hard, Press on when it's dark, press on when you feel all hope is gone, because you know that it is not.
If you have a chance to read the first half of Psalm 22, verses 1-18, you will find that it's basically David crying out to God saying... "God, you have left me. I'm being attacked. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm shriveling away. I have no strength. I have nothing. WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?!?!"
There are times we may feel alone and abandoned by people and the reality is maybe, we are. There are times when we feel like our strength is gone and maybe, it is. There are times when we may be hungry, thirsty and walking the streets.... abused, attacked and left to die.
Pretending like these things aren't real means one has shut their eyes to the reality of pain that surrounds us and those in our community who are lost and hurting. This world can be brutal, this world can let us down.
Yet, in the midst of this, as David begins his cry for God to simply respond, David says this: "Yet, you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.” Psalms 22:3
Life can suck, it really can, YET God is on the throne and worthy to be praised!
If you are in the thick of it, lost, alone, hurt and desperate, you, like David, in the midst of the pain can still cry out and say "Yet, You are Holy"
It's hard. I know, I have been there, but that soul stretching cry is the chorus that reaches straight to the ears of God who sees, hears, responds and loves.
Our Lord doesn't sit on a cold throne. He sits on a heavenly throne of praise that extends to the the depth of where we are right down to the very whisper of our heart. We are not alone.
This may be the first day, in what seems like forever (time is uneding in the dark and reality skewed), that I have actually smiled and meant it. Today, December 22, 2016, I smiled!
Depression hits me out of nowhere sometimes and it seems that no matter what I do, I can't shake it, so through the motions, I go.
Today, those motions felt more powerful, today those motions weren't so difficult...today, I smiled and I meant it.
Yesterday, while out on a lunch date with my sweetheart, I received a phone call from a friend who does not often call on the phone. I felt I needed to take it even though I was enjoying some rare time with my busy husband. I answered the call to hear her say that she was just thinking about me and wanted to call.
I took the opportunity to share a prayer request, later followed by a text message telling her I had been struggling and her phone call came at the perfect time.
As is the case, most times, I find that once I speak the darkness into the light and share with others who will lift me up in prayer, the power it has over me is broken. As I shared, I could already feel the weight lifting. Depression wants to isolate me and too often, I let it.
Yes, going through the motions helped, but ultimately, for me, speaking it out loud to others who come in agreement before for the Lord in the name of Jesus breaks every chain that is bound in me.
Thank you Lord.
Can I encourage you, during this season of Joy, that often times feels anything but, do not be tempted to isolate yourself, but allow others to stand alongside you in prayer. You may find that it eases the load and may allow you to see the light and promise to come.
Joyful Christmas and I love you in the Lord, Mia
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.