The last thing I wanted to hear when I was chasing a 13 month old who was constantly climbing tables and had been since he started walking at 9 months, while I had my other baby latched onto my breast dangling mid air all while my 4 year old was in the kitchen "trying" to make breakfast (not to mention the fact that I was doing in home daycare for multiple other children at the same time) was "Treasure this time, it goes so fast."

Treasure that time? ...the crazy, the weariness, the loneliness in the midst of chaos, the longing for my husband to come home and rescue me, the dirty diapers, the fatigue, the feeling of being a milking station, the sleepless nights (shall I go on)...treasure that? You have got to be kidding me!!

Yet, here I am. Apparently, I survived..... my bra size a bit smaller, my stomach a bit flabbier, my stretch marks a testimony to my labor, my wrinkles (3 of them) a badge of the times I spent laughing my way to borderline sanity and my babies now grown.

Those voices ring in my head, the voices telling me to treasure it up, because they grow so fast and my response of not wanting to, I just wanted to survive the day without a major catastrophe. I just wanted them to hurry up. Well my wish came true. 

Feeling kinda down tonight. Part of it is that I am literally very tired. Part of it is my natural body rhythm after I have been on the road and I begin to decompress. Most of it, however,  is the new reality that I am walking into.....#PreEmptyNestSyndrome

Spent the evening sending my daughter, my last of three, my baby-girl off to her senior prom. I am not a highly emotional person when it comes to milestones, but this one got me. Prom seems to be one of the first of the many last events as the school year comes to a close.
I know that time goes fast, but I'm just not ready for it to go this fast. I look at my friends who are the same age or older than me chasing after toddlers longing to get past the diaper stage. My words of "Cherish every moment, they will be gone in the blink of an eye" seem pointless and un-reassuring. Yet, here I stand, just barely in my 40's with a son graduating college next week, a daughter about to enter college and a middle son in the midst of it. How did this happen?

Even more amazing of "How did this happen?".... Is how did these kids happen to turn out so amazing? When people ask me about my kids, I tend to say "They are NOTHING like me when I was their age!" That is a huge compliment. My children love the Lord, love each other (more now than when they were younger) and respect their parents. They are active in school activities, Bible study, serving others in need....They don't drink, they don't smoke and they don't do drugs. See they are nothing like me when I was their age.

And honestly I don't know how that happened....not sure how I didn't completely screw them up. Kudos to their Dad and his constant presence in their lives. The other thing I know is that for reasons beyond what I can imagine, the Lord had and continues to have His hand of protection on them. There really is no other explanation. Basically, He protected them from me when I couldn't.

Back to the point....I'm down, I'm a bit depressed, but still I rejoice at the gifts my babies are and always will be as they grow, walk out their calling in life and begin to impact the next generation. I have to constantly trust that God loves them more than I do, so His hands are truly the safest place for them to be. But it's still hard to see my baby girl grow up.

Most days, I just want them to curl back up and crawl up on my lap and cuddle with their Mama. But instead I get to send baby-girl off to prom  (glad that she went with friends and no date...totally not ready for that!)

To my Miriam Evangel: I love you and I am so proud off you. Walking you off to your last Prom was pure joy and such an honor. My heart is full and in awe of the young women that you are and the women that you will become in Christ!

Trusting God for the future.
The past..treasured  in my heart forever.