 Recently, the pain in my back became too much to push through. I couldn't figure out how to manage it on my own, so I went for help. I would say my biggest inspiration and motivation for seeking help was my new grandson, Gabriel. I love hugging, kissing and nibbling on his toes. I love to hold him and rock him. However, Gabe likes it when you stand and hold him or walk with him. When I would do this, I found the pain in my lower back to be too much. Even sitting was becoming difficult, so in order to be a Grandma on the go, I went to the chiropractor. The x-rays showed several issues and we so began treatment. Within a week of treatment, I could sit longer, stand longer and I was not in 24/7 pain. And guess what? As an added bonus I have not had a single hot flash in a month! Little did I know that chiropractic work helped with my menopause issues as well. But then there were days that things would flare or get worse. It was part of the process on the road to recovery. I was given information on retracing and our body's 4 responses to care. I had to ask myself, "was she giving this information to me only for my back or did she know that my emotional and mental well being were also struggling and in need of an adjustment and healing?" There I was and I had a choice to make. Would I: 1. Quit and the "damage never heals & symptoms return" and end up in the same place I started.. in pain. 2. Get care and "feel better right away and heal with a few flare ups" to arrive in a healthy place. 3. Get care and feel "the same and gradually get better" to arrive in a healthy place 4. Get care and "feel worse at first and gradually get better" to arrive in a healthy place These four responses to chiropractic care seem very similar to my mental health care responses as well. I am seriously asking myself. Do I even want to heal? But more precisely, Do I want to go through the pain it takes to heal. Healing hurts. Remembering and having to deal with the past is painful, especially since I thought I was past all of that. Until recently, I didn't even realize that I was still holding on to bitterness from my past. Mostly because I simply wasn't forced to face it. God sees my hurt and he sees my hesitation. But I want to face it. I want to heal, even if it's difficult. Most days are a battle. God is Good. God is good. God is good!
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  It's difficult for me to fall asleep. I can't drink caffein or consume sugar after noon if I want to go to bed before 1am and I'm super sensitive to noise. My husband, well, he doesn't have that problem. The other day when we settled in for the night, he turned off the lights and went to sleep. I wasn't even close to being tired so I did some work on my computer with my headphones on. About 10 minutes later, he pops out of bed turns the lights on and proclaims that he can't fall asleep. Oh Bob! If my sleep battles were 10 minutes long, I would count that a victory. Instead it takes hours of staring at the ceiling sometimes before my body finally wants to shut down. Some of you may know this struggle. Thankfully for my husband, after he put on his headphones to listen to some music, he was knocked out within the next 5 minutes. Victory!! Because of my sleeping pattern, I have sadly cut my coffee intake to 6oz of coffee that I drink early in the morning. 6 OUNCES!! - It breaks my heart, and honestly I'm a bit ashamed as it feels like a coffee betrayal, but it had to be done. Know this, I will NEVER cut it out completely, even if I have to go to 3oz, 2oz, 1oz... NEVER!! What I have learned though is this: each morning I sit with my 6oz and I savor each sip like it's my last day on earth (literally lol). I enjoy every moment and treasure the time we have together as I hold this sweet warm cup of black, bold and a little bit sweet (just like me) cup of heaven in my hands. Reality Check… it’s only coffee, I know this, but man oh man, do I love it! Today in the stillness of this morning, it’s a reminder to me to hold those I love close, to treasure moments, to embrace the inconveniences, and appreciate any bit of time that I have with the ones I love. Moments… I will take whatever scraps that my people want to give. Moments. I love them.  This post originally appeared on the Deliberate Women site September 26th, 2014. I am excited to share it with you now, here and continue the conversation. I am so thankful that I, as high maintenance as I can be, am never too much for God. It seems like a no brainier statement, but the reality is that there have been times when I have thought that the junk I have is too much for Him and because it's too much for Him how on earth could anyone in my church or my circle of friends handle the truth. I often share about the disaster that I was because I know that God has done a mighty work and I love what He is molding me into. Yes, still flawed, but a work in progress and a new creation through the power of Christ Jesus! It took a lot to get me there, but one of the biggest assets I had while being molded was an amazing ministry called Celebrate Recovery, a Christ centered recovery program that started over 20 years ago at Saddleback Church in California. Now, in over 20,000 churches world-wide, Celebrate Recovery addresses that we have hurts, hang-ups and habits and that alone life is hard, but in community and with accountability rooted in the foundation of Jesus Christ, we have healing, recovery and fellowship. When I thought that what I was going through was too much, that the world would judge me and even now when I struggle, I know that I have a place that is safe, free from judgement and quick fixes. A place that will walk alongside me in my struggle, not trying to fix me, but allowing God through the power of the Holy Spirit to speak, reveal and heal each hurt, habit or hang-up that I am going through. The lie that what I am going through is too much for the church seems to be a device of Satan to keep me (and you) from reaching out, to keep us in isolation. I don't know about you, but that seems like the worse place to be in the midst of a struggle. So sisters and brothers, let's remember that we are not alone. There is a place and there are people that are safe that can totally handle the crud that we carry. That same crud that God will turn to victory when we surrender to His will. I pray that God would reveal those people and places to each of us so that we will feel safe confessing our sins, growing together and watching God do amazing things with our stories as He uses them for His glory! Here is a song that I wrote for the Movie, Home Run, "You Are Not Alone" Remember that there are people that will walk along side you. You are not too much, You are not Alone! Blessings, Mia Koehne
Please welcome guest blogger, Melanie Moscicki, as she shares a post that originally appeared on her site "From Faith, With Love"
God the Potter… I’m nearing the end of wrapping up my Mending Your Soul class, though I am well aware the real work is just beginning in me. It’s been a long emotional journey, but is not without the reward of comfort and endurance that can only come from Him. For someone who has spent countless years fighting to stand strong WITHOUT God, laying all the brokeness and shortcoming out at His feet has been mortifying, humbling, and healing all in the same breath. May the words of my heart give hope to those still trapped in the prison that is your past. The Potter ~A Poem by Melanie Moscicki Mending the Soul 2014 Another year, a million tears, so many times she’s tried To fix the broken little girl, she buried deep inside. He says to her, “Come follow me, I’ll make you new again” but the walls she built are far too strong to ever let Him in. She hears the sounds of laughter, of joy she’s never known Could it be? A girl like SHE should live on LOVE-alone? So many scars from trusting cracks from being dropped, cast aside as nothing but an empty, broken pot. But He says He’s a potter… The best there ever was, and He says I’m HIS daughter… and His work has just begun. Isaiah 64:8 says “Yet you LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are the work of your hand.” I pray that each of us can grasp this truth in the depths of our soul. We are not finished friend, we are each works in progress by the creator of ALL that IS and that ever WAS, the God of miracles, the God of redemption, the God that makes ALL THINGS new. ~ From Faith, With Love, Melanie ***Physical, sexual, verbal, spiritual, or neglectful- abuse deadens the emotions, slays the self-worth, cripples the mind, even destroys the body. Mending The Soul is a Biblically grounded and psychologically informed first-of-its-kind comprehensive approach to understanding and treating every form of abuse. You can find out more about the program and where to get plugged in HERE. Video about Mending The Soul
Disclaimer: This article is simply my personal experience and is not intended to replace any medical advice that you are receiving. Depression is real and what works for one person may not work for everyone.  I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle. I struggle with Anxiety, trust and depression. I am hopeful because of the struggle, it means I have not given up, It means that I continue to battle. It means that God is not done with me yet. #TheStruggleIsReal Sunday, I found myself in the battle. I did not know why I was immobile, unable to move, feeling heavy and sad. All I knew is that by 4pm, after a day of isolating myself from my family, their activities and conversations, I could either continue to lay down or I could get up and FIGHT. I chose to fight. I chose to move through the heaviness, to move through the sadness and the weight of my unknown grief. So, I got on my dancing shoes (my trail-runners) and I hit the mountain. My husband joined me. My husband, who also did not know the source of my sadness, walked with me, he hiked with me and he ran beside me quietly as we hit the trails. And then it happened, around mile three, I could feel the weight lifting and my eyes open to see the light of the new day. Then, by our fifth mile, I felt like a brand new person. Depression has a way of creeping in unexpectedly, lurking and crouching, hoping that we will continue to lay in it, continue to listen to it and believe what it has to say. Depression thrives on immobility. As someone that has struggled with depression most of my life, I know that in the intricacy of how I am made, that I may continue to struggle with it until I am called home to heaven, sometimes alone, sometimes with someone walking beside me, sometimes with some saying (after a few days) "Get up off the couch and move!" I believe that there is truth to what the medical field has said regarding the benefits of exercise to combat depression. There is something in the way that we are designed that allows movement to re-set us and help us to dig ourselves out of the funk that we can be in. For those of us that struggle occasionally and those that struggle often, know that there is hope. Sometimes, we fight alone, sometimes we fight with someone beside us, sometimes we fight with the aid of medication and sometimes....no, ALL THE TIME we fight with the the Lord at our side. The Lord says that we can cast all of our cares, even when we don't know what they are, upon him. The Lord, who says that His yoke is easy and His burden light, calls us to take His yoke on us. The Lord will never leave us or forsake us in our sadness or in our struggles. Our Lord, who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imaging is by our side. Today, if this is you, fight. Fight to move. Fight to lift your eyes up to the source of life and light. Fight to get up. You got this, because He's got you! As one who remembers, I love you in the Lord, Mia For more information about depression help medically and spiritually, check out this article from Relevant Magazine: CLICK HERE Disclaimer: This article is simply my personal experience and is not intended to replace any medical advice that you are receiving. Depression is real and what works for one person may not work for everyone.
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The BlogA collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen. 
AuthorAs an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head. Categories
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