My Fear of God
This mornings discussion with my husband combined with my time in the Word today left me pretty overwhelmed. I can't explain a God who commands His people to wipe out entire nations, man, woman and child from the face of the earth and who then punishes those who do not follow His instructions to the very last detail. How to I tell people what a loving God I have when they bring this up.... a God who says there is no one good left on the earth except for you Noah, so I am going to destroy them all. How do I justify that?
Well, I think that's it. God doesn't need me to justify Him, but to know Him more, to seek Him more, to trust Him more. He IS just and righteous. That is who He is! He created the world and everything in it. The world is His, the moon and the stars are His also. He loves the world!
As I read in Psalm 7 today, I see God more clearly through Davids heart and cry.
"O Lord my God, in you do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me, lest like a lion they tear my soul apart, rending it in pieces, with none to deliver.
David understood and loved this God of Justice to the extent that he would call out to God to take his life if he were found guilty.
"Arise, O Lord, in your anger; lift yourself up against the fury of my enemies;
David understood that sin and evil angered God. Does it anger and grieve me the way it angers and grieves God?
"The Lord judges the peoples; judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness and according to the integrity that is in me.
God is a righteous judge. He weighs our lives and actions according to our righteousness. Standing with Christ I am completely covered. God sees a covering of perfection when He looks at me and sees who I am with. Do I like David cry out for God to search my heart or would I rather stay hidden, those things which I know are unrighteous and filthy before the Lord? Integrity is important.
"If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword; he has bent and readied his bow; he has prepared for him his deadly weapons, making his arrows fiery shafts. Behold, the wicked man conceives evil and is pregnant with mischief and gives birth to lies.
Sin in no less serious now than it was in the times before Christ came and God wiped out evil through wars and the destruction of entire families, man women and child from the face of the earth. The only difference now is that Jesus bridges the gap. #Grace Is Essential. Same God today and forever....completely just, completely fair, so completely full of Grace and Mercy that He would send His son to be the remedy for our sinfulness and lack of righteousness. The sacrificial blood of Jesus is the righteous cover that we need to stand before a Holy God.
Once I start to understand, even a small bit, of what real holiness is, I can then begin to grasp how I myself would crumble in the presence of His holiness, a Holy God, Perfection, righteousness, God... and then understanding my unending desperate need for a savior, Christ. Without Him I crumble, without Him I can't even dare to stand and open my eyes in the presence of my God who created all.
So like David, this holy, just and righteous judge, who we stand before with fear and trembling, my God who made a way to bridge the gap so that I could stand before him with NO condemnation because I am in Christ Jesus....and because God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son that ANYONE who believes in Him will NOT perish, but have eternal life....Like David, it causes me to praise Him and thank Him.
My words can't express the deepness and gratitude that I have for living this life for him and looking forward and upward to being called home and spending eternity in His presence. My God made a way for ALL... So I say, like David did.....
"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness,
This song and declaration is my heart today.
A Day of Learning and Observing
Just one of those days where I felt like I learned a whole lot...some big, some little and some, just a reminder of things I already know.
Observations From My Day
1. It's nice to call people friend. It's even nicer to be a friend.
2. Four hours sitting a talking with someone who you really care about getting to know better only seems like 5 minutes.
3. I can make a cup of coffee last three hours.
4. I love that God meets us where we are and doesn't rush us through our struggles, pains, hurts and hang ups. He is gentle and loving, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. I want to be like Jesus.
5. When I used to smoke, I actually believed that the world was my ashtray.
Today was payback as some smoker who has not yet had that realization that the world is NOT an ashtray threw a cigarette out the window and it landed on my car, bounced around and burned a spot on my car before it decide to burnout and blow off my car.
6. I learned that we see things differently when we are in different situations.
7. I learned that there are times when I hear God so clearly and times when I jump ten steps ahead of Him, but graciously He shows me an escape route and covers my butt...Sometimes though I just have to bite the bullet and deal with the consequences. Today, luckily, I retreated quick enough and learned to be a better listener.
8. After learning a listening lesson, God gave me another opportunity to listen to His voice, this time, though, it sounded just like my husbands voice and I simply said "ok" and didn't try and figure it out myself. It was surprisingly easy and less stressful.
9. My kids are adults. I can give my opinion, they don't always listen and I kind of like that.
10. It was really hot today. How do I know? Once I got in my Phoenix, AZ car, it took less that 5 seconds for my metal dangle earrings to heat up and start burning the side of my face.
11. My kids are pretty awesome.
12. The display mannequin I bought for my merch table needs to wear a bra...just sayin'
13. My husband is a very patient, hardworking, loving and forgiving man and I think he's cute!
14. God's Word is life to me.
15. God loves me......and He loves my husband and my kids way more than I do and I would die for them.
16. God is amazing. His love is amazing.
17. It's really awesome to have family in the airline business.
18. Life is short and no days are guaranteed. Love God, Love others.
19. And if I ever put on my calendar REST and SLEEP, I can be sure that in the mail will come a jury summons for that exact day. #Storyofmylife
The Great Cover Up
"...reflecting the painful beauty of human struggles and a passion to worship a God who saves"
I LOVE that no matter what state I am in, there is a Celebrate Recovery meeting I can go to..... a place where it is safe to share without having people try to fix me and give me the next best antidote or self help book for my struggles.
Currently I am in Colorado Springs, CO. There are times when I go to CR when the Lord really brings to light a stronghold in my life in a more powerful way than other times. Tonight was one of those nights.
Through a question posed to me by someone sharing their testimony, I thought back to a time when I felt so betrayed and did not want to let it go. This past hurt was connected to my current struggle with trust and anxiety. God revealed this deep rooted bitterness, this place in my heart that was holding me back.
What I realized tonight was simple. I tend to use the excuse that I am an introvert (which is completely true) to cover up the fact that I try to isolate myself from large groups of people because of the anxiety and panic that it brings and therefore isolate myself from fellowship.
If you have ever seen me in public, you might be saying to yourself "You don't seem to struggle in large groups of people, you go onstage in front of hundreds and thousands of people at a time, You're so talkative and social......The thought of large crowds gives you panic attacks? Social anxiety? You? Never!"
The reality is, "Yes, me." But, the greater reality is that my God is bigger than my fears, bigger than my struggles, bigger than my anxiety. I Celebrate recovery from so much yet I continue to struggle with trust and anxiety, but even though I struggle, I still celebrate victories in these area daily.
Like tonight, as I sat in a circle with a group of strangers in an open share group and shared about my week.....even though I got in the room a little early and rearranged the seats a bit so I wasn't so closed in...it was a victory. The little steps of opening myself up to others regularly so that I don't isolate myself is crucial in my walk with the Lord and the people he sets before me and it is crucial in my relationship with Jesus Christ.
The other week, a women read my display banner at my merch table where is said "Mia Koehne..reflecting the painful beauty of human struggles....." After that she said to me "Mia, you are so pretty, what do you know about struggles?" to which I replied with a testimony and a sharing of my currents struggles. Too pretty? Ha!! Struggles, sin, pain and heartache do not care what we look like on the outside. Too pretty? let me tell you a story...
We all struggle, we all have pain....some of us admit it, some of us hide it and hide it well....some of us walk in the joy of the Lord, so they may be harder to see, but we all have it and we all need to surrender it at the foot of the cross.
This is why I love going to a place where it is safe, where people don't judge me and I learn to not judge others. I love Celebrate Recovery and what it has done in my life and the lives of so many that I have come to love!!
If you have a hurt, a habit or a hang-up, don't hide anymore, reach out. Maybe Celebrate Recovery is the place for you...check it out. www.celebraterecovery.com There is probably one near you!
Here's that banner that I put on display when I do concerts and events. It speaks my heart and the reason I sing.
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.