Yesterday, I went to church. The first words I said to my husband after walking in and going directly to my pew was. "I don't want to be here. If it were up to me we would get up and go home."
I was in a mood. Nothing inside of me wanted to be around people. Nothing inside of me wanted to sing. NOTHING. I just wanted to go home. The things going on in my heart and life simply caused me to focus on the circumstances. I was going down and I wanted to bring everyone along with me.
Thankfully my husband just looked at me. I knew what that glance meant. It meant we weren't going anywhere and I needed to put my big girl panties on and suck it up.
As the service went on, I was pretty comatose. My lips couldn't sing, my eyes and my strength were gone and simply standing was the best offering I had to give. It was then, looking back that I saw how powerful it was to have a congregation that could sing over me when I was not able to muster up a shout of praise. It was then that I saw Zephaniah 3:17 come to life as the Lord rejoiced over me, even when I was unable to rejoice myself.
As the service went on, our Pastor preached the Word of God, the promises of God and and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As the Word was read, I could feel it penetrate my heart, I could feel my heart softening to receive. His Word accomplished what it set out to. His Word was alive.
I may not have been able to sing yesterday, but I was able to receive. And maybe that is simply what I needed for the day.
Now, here I am. The circumstances have not changed but my prayers have. Today, I didn't just put my cares in Jesus' hands, I literally threw them with all my might! I love that He can handle my frustrated prayers and take them on as His own. It's a new day!
And if I can add, it's also helpful to grab a medicine ball and whip it against a wall. Yes, people may have thought me crazy as with each hit a bit of my prayer to the Lord was released, but by the time my workout was done, the wall was still in tact, my soul was lighter and my vision and peace restored. No prayer shawl here... just a prayer medicine ball :) Such a great way to pray without ceasing!
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.