I still have battles, bouts with crippling depression. I typically don't have a problem sharing them publicly...after I've come out the other side. But the truth is, even then, I tend to not share them.
Today, I have NOT come out the otherside. I must be close though, because, I have the strength to at least open my laptop and type. And for some reason, I think someone else may be where I'm at and needs to be reminded to fight.
For the past four days, I have been emotionally mute, physically frozen, but spiritually alive. How does that work?
The Word of God has sustained me, even though I have not been able to communicate with those close to me. His Word has reminded me of Truth even though my mind has gone in crazy directions while my physical strength has been depleted and my motivation to move has stalled.
Depression still hits me, and freezes me. Depression still sits on my chest and tells me not to move...and then I hear my friend Shannon's voice, a trumpet for the Lord, saying "GET UP!" (she is so bossy.) Depression is dark, But God is light.
So on day three, I moved my mouth and I spoke. I shared my hurts, the trigger for this battle...irrational as they may have seemed. Did it make my pain go away, did it make all the darkness disappear? NO, but it broke open the clouds and let the light hit me on my face and it pushed me out... not all the way, but enough for the day.
So today, while I sit up with my heart heavy, I pray that you too, if you are where I am or where I have been, I pray that you would open His Word, cry out to Him, move and let someone know that you are hurting.
It may not make it go away, but your words, your prayers and breaking the silence chips away at the darkness creating holes for the light to come through. So keep picking away. You are not alone.
I love you in the Lord.
ps. As my friend, Robin, just reminded me “God is in the dark when we are there. He isn't the dark...but He is nearer than ever.”
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.