I LOVE that no matter what state I am in, there is a Celebrate Recovery meeting I can go to..... a place where it is safe to share without having people try to fix me and give me the next best antidote or self help book for my struggles.

Currently I am in Colorado Springs, CO. There are times when I go to CR when the Lord really brings to light a stronghold in my life in a more powerful way than other times. Tonight was one of those nights.

Through a question posed to me by someone sharing their testimony, I thought back to a time when I felt so betrayed and did not want to let it go. This past hurt was connected to my current struggle with trust and anxiety. God revealed this deep rooted bitterness, this place in my heart that was holding me back.

What I realized tonight was simple. I tend to use the excuse that I am an introvert (which is completely true) to cover up the fact that I try to isolate myself from large groups of people because of the anxiety and panic that it brings and therefore isolate myself from fellowship.

If you have ever seen me in public, you might be saying to yourself  "You don't seem to struggle in large groups of people, you go onstage in front of hundreds and thousands of people at a time, You're so talkative and social......The thought of large crowds gives you panic attacks? Social anxiety? You? Never!"

The reality is, "Yes, me." But, the greater reality is that my God is bigger than my fears, bigger than my struggles, bigger than my anxiety. I Celebrate recovery from so much yet I continue to struggle with trust and anxiety, but even though I struggle, I still celebrate victories in these area daily.

Like tonight, as I sat in a circle with a group of strangers in an open share group and shared about my week.....even though I got in the room a little early and rearranged the seats a bit so I wasn't so closed in...it was a victory. The little steps of opening myself up to others regularly so that I don't isolate myself is crucial in my walk with the Lord and the people he sets before me and it is crucial in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

The other week, a women read my display banner at my merch table where is said "Mia Koehne..reflecting the painful beauty of human struggles....." After that she said to me "Mia, you are so pretty, what do you know about struggles?" to which I replied with a testimony and a sharing of my currents struggles. Too pretty? Ha!! Struggles, sin, pain and heartache do not care what we look like on the outside. Too pretty? let me tell you a story...

We all struggle, we all have pain....some of us admit it, some of us hide it and hide it well....some of us walk in the joy of the Lord, so they may be harder to see, but we all have it and we all need to surrender it at the foot of the cross.

This is why I love going to a place where it is safe, where people don't judge me and I learn to not judge others. I love Celebrate Recovery and what it has done in my life and the lives of so many that I have come to love!!

If you have a hurt, a habit or a hang-up, don't hide anymore, reach out. Maybe Celebrate Recovery is the place for you...check it out. www.celebraterecovery.com There is probably one near you!

Here's that banner that I put on display when I do concerts and events. It speaks my heart and the reason I sing.

My father would always find the positive in any situation and so I try and model that example in my life. Sometimes it is harder than at other times, but today this is what I gleaned from a week of struggling with depression. For those that don't know, I have struggled most of my life with depression, sometimes needing medication, but in the last decade it has been completely manageable without. The bouts are shorter and the lows (for this bi-polar chick) are not as great as in years past-Praise God!

Positive #1 I lost 5 pounds. Hey I'll take. I am not advocating depression as a form of weight loss, but simply stating the fact that I lost 5 pounds which I have been trying to do for the last month through healthy food choices and exercise with no luck. Now if you know me you will know that I say this while LOL with a smile.


The real joy that I saw is that, through this emotionally tough week that was filled with sadness, much weariness, trouble getting out of bed, more sleeping that normal and a great of amount of just being lethargic with many tears, is this, God is Good ALWAYS and in the midst of the struggle God still uses me to do His work, to glorify Him, to worship Him to give Him praise and to remind me that He is my only source for strength, hope, love and forgiveness.

My time in the Word was powerful, His ability to work through me in my writing, recording and ministering to others does not stop because I feel a certain way. This week I was finalizing some writings that I was working on and in it, I discussed how often times we feel disqualified. There was a time in my life where I would allow my depression to disqualify me from pressing on, praising Him and getting out of bed.

But today, through the brokenness, through sadness, through tears........ God's will be done. For that, I thank Him. He is my strength, my light, my hope. So today as I travel to go and minister to people through music, I know that even though there is a heaviness that I can't shake, my God is Good, My God is faithful, always present, close to the brokenhearted and so in love with me.

May God work through you in any season of your life and in any situation. May glory always be given to Him the lover and comforter of our soul.

Be blessed, friends.

This is what the heart of David sang during his trouble. May it bless you.
Psalm 6
O Lord, Deliver My Life
1 O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.

2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.

3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?

4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.

5 For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?

6 I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.

7 My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.

8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.

9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord accepts my prayer.

10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

I have a feeling that it is going to take me a few days to finish this post. It has been a whirlwind of a week and I have so much in my heart to share that I'm not even sure how to get it all out. I am going to write a few thoughts just to get them down and I have no idea what this will look like after I process my thoughts, rewrite what I have written and hear more from the Lord.

The one thing that is pressed so heavy on me, especially after spending four days with 25,000 youth and hearing so many stories of brokenness and pain, is this.... Ultimately, our youth (and all of us) don't want us to fix them or give them all the answers..... they just want to be heard, to know that they matter, to know that their feelings matter.... simply put, they just want someone to listen and to know that they are loved regardless.