Typically when I write about my bouts with depression, it's after I have moved through and found victory. I do this mostly because I feel that when I do open up to anyone outside of my husband (who knows me so well), people don't know how to respond....or they over respond, or they direct me to some feel good article or book.... or they just want to fix me because fixing me is easier that admitting that they can do nothing for me. I don't want people to fix me, I don't want to talk it out, I just want to make it through to the next moment without crying. Today as I write, I am in the thick of it. Unlike other times when I am in the battle, I am not hunkered down in bed, unable to move. Instead, I am simply numb. I am numb to people, numb to their complaints about trivial issues, numb to their games. I am just numb to people's nonsense. I don't have the emotional time or strength for it. And not only to them, I am all about equal opportunity! I am numb to my own emotions, I am numb to my own concerns....except in that tiny area of my heart where there is a tingle, the tingle that cries out to the Lord to see me through, the tingle, that dares to feel, but not too much or else I may become overwhelmed, This is the tingle that allows me to function throughout the day. This tingle has a name and it's name is Hope....hope which knows that God will deliver me, yet again. Depression hits me at the most inopportune times. When there are things to do, places to be, people to love. This shadow of depression wants me forget what I know to be true and not show up...to leave the "pulpit" empty. Well, I won't! If I have learned anything over and over again, it is that in my weakness, He is shown strong. That doesn't mean I want to run around depressed everyday so I can see how great God is. I would love to not have this battle, but what it does mean, is that If I am struggling, I will press into hope, press into truth and NOT FORGET what I know to be true.....greater is He that is in me (even when I am struggling) than he who is in the world. Until God delivers me completely (and I know He will), I will continue to cry out to Him, my Deliverer. I know he is near even in my darkness, my loneliness and my isolation. He is as close to me as the mention of his name......CLOSER, still. He is my breath and my life. I will breath Him in and exhale. Even now, as I sit in my spiritual and emotional hospital, He cares for me. He is my respirator and I am being revived, moment by moment, breath by breath. He knows the deep concerns of my heart and those things that I cry out to Him about in my isolation. He hears and He cares. So, whether, you are in the hospital right now or out feeling better than ever, the truth remains that hope remains, The Lord, God hears our tender pleas, and our unspoken prayers. He knows our needs and He is near to us, He is near the brokenhearted and will bind us up. So my fellow patient, my fellow struggler, remember what is true. Don't think that just because we are limping that we can't stand. Be quick to stand in Him, my friend. Even in the thick of it, God uses us, He can lift our head to speak truth, sing love and bring praise. It just might not be as easy as it was before. But God... So there it is. That's where I am at. Now, if you still have the need to fix me, go ahead, but go to the Real Fixer, the one that can actually handle it. He's got me...He's got YOU! Love you in the Lord, Mia
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I have been working on a little writing project over the past several months. I wrote, re-wrote, had it proofed and re-proofed and then I let it sit for a while before I took it to the shop to be printed.
The day that I finally went to the print shop…. three days before I needed, I arrived with my project completely unformatted, so Tracy, the print specialist, worked patiently with me to make sure my project came out looking it's best. She gave me her opinions and even helped make decisions on color choices, all the time showing me great patience. The store was quite busy, so it would take about three days before I would have my project finalized, but I was thankful and grateful that she would be able to get my project done in time in spite of my procrastination. After she finished taking my order and all the printing notes, she looked at me and said "Can I just thank you for being so nice, patient and understanding" It took me back at first. I explained to her that I was thankful that she was so patient with ME. I can be handful and a bit high maintenance as I am not the most savvy person when it comes to formatting projects. You see, the day earlier, Tracy dealt with a customer that wanted his project right away and when he did not get his way, he was apparently quite mean and brought this sweet worker to tears. As I thought about our encounter, here is what I pondered... Tracy thanked me for being patient even though I did absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. I simply treated her with respect and gratitude for the work she was doing. I didn't scream and I didn't yell because she couldn't have my project ready in one day. It saddens me that we live in a society where, all to often, people are so self-focused, that when a person is simply civil to another human being, they are seen as extraordinary. Friends let's bring the extraordinary back to a place of being simply and beautifully ordinary. Let's bring back words like "Please & Thank-you" when we are out in the world. Let's treat others the way we want to be treated ourselves. And on those days when we slip, let's have the humility to go back and simply say "I'm sorry." And I, my friends, have had to do that on a several occasions. Love you in the Lord, Mia ![]() I love my time at the gym. Going in the morning really helps to start my day out right. Thanks to my husband, I have a detailed, focused and effective workout routine. Every few weeks the plan gets modified and my weights and reps increase. I can see and feel the effects of my workout. I know that I am not suppose to judge people at my gym, but I can't help but notice that some of the members wander around aimlessly with no consistency, no focus and no real results. They don't have a plan. Some do more mirror time than actual lifting of weights. The more time I spend in the gym, the more I see how it directly correlates with faith and life. Proverbs 29:18 says "Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. When I lacked a plan at the gym (which I did for years) my results come up lacking. I didn't grow stronger, I didn't feel any more fit, I didn't feel physically complete. Like the gym, but, oh so much more important, is my relationship with Christ. When I lack vision, a plan to be intentional about my faith, my joy shrivels. Those days when I am distracted by the silliest things, all things which conspire against me to keep me from my time with the Lord, days when I think I can fit in "one more thing" before I steel away with Him only to find the sun has set on my time and the pillow is my best friend....Those are the days when my joy is incomplete because my vision is lacking. So where are you today? Do you have a plan, do you lack vision..do you feel like you are drowning or are you feeling the effects of working out your faith life? If you are struggling, sometimes it starts with a simple acknowledgment that you need help, some encouragement, some direction and some spiritual discipline. If you are feeling strong in Him, spiritually fit, maybe this is the season where God can give you eyes to see those that are wandering and need someone to walk alongside them. Yes, we stand in the "NO JUDGEMENT ZONE", but God has given us eyes to see, hearts to feel, a discerning mind to call out when we are drowning and the wisdom to know when to throw a life jacket to those around us. One of my favorite devotionals is Oswald Chambers ~ My Utmost For His Highest. It challenges me each day. If you feel it might be a blessing to you, follow the LINK BELOW and if you get it, write me back and let me know what you think. It's compact, short and filled with great thoughts on a particular Bible verse each day. Maybe that's a start for you. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE God bless you! I love you in the Lord, Mia ![]() As I kept hearing and seeing news of the Abducted Nigerian school girls and the call to action, I caught myself thinking "But, what can I do?" It was easy to go through my day, listen to the news, watch the different social media stories and simply scroll on past it without feeling a sense of responsibility at all. I believe my lack of sense came from an overwhelming sense of helplessness and the reality that I can't really do anything to help them anyway. Then , like He always does, the Lord reminded me that He has equipped me with the most powerful weapon in the world. PRAYER. I can pray. And I call other to pray as well. There is power in the name of Jesus. I believe this. I know this. I believe that there is no other than by which we are saved, eternally and temporarily. I believe that that God hears the cries of His people and can save. I believe that as we cry out in the name of Jesus, he hears and responds. Pray.....Pray....Pray!! "So Lord in Your mercy, Hear our prayer. Lord, Save those girls and all those who are in danger there in Nigeria. May their eyes be turned to you, Jesus the one and only. Comfort the mothers, comfort the fathers, comfort the families of all who are suffering. Bring healing to Nigeria. Heal their land in the name of Jesus. Amen and Amen!!" I have two elbows and chances are that you do to. Let me tell you a little about my elbows...... Recently I was on a photo shoot with a friend and brother in Christ that I admire. No matter what, I can always count on him. For instance, I was suppose to meet with a photographer early one morning and because of certain circumstances he had to cancel 60 minutes after we were suppose to start. Well, I was showered, dressed, make up on and hair done. I was still good to go! Naturally, not wanting to waste a good hair day, I called my buddy, Randy, and he packed up his gear, scouted out areas with me and we shot at four locations. At the last location he asked if I had any CD's to give to the people whose space and property we LITERALLY invaded (in fact we did that at all three sites, but that's how we roll) and I said "No, I don't have any, I normally have them, but....." As I continued to explain to him the reason He said "Mia, those are just excuses. Excuses are like elbows everybody's got two of 'em." That shut me up. He was right. I was unprepared. For all the times I pack my CD's just in case I have an opportunity to share them with someone, I failed. I was NOT prepared and what I needed to do was NOT make excuses. But, now, every-time I walk out of the house I think a bit more quickly to myself about grabbing some spare CD's in case the lady at the grocery store tells me she likes music and I am able to just give her a CD. When people speak the truth to me, I may pout my lip for a moment, but my heart hears, receives and becomes all the wiser and more aware. Some people thrive on affirmation, I thrive on loving reproof. I thrive on people pointing out my weaknesses so I can be better. Several years ago I was at a place in my life, music and ministry where I desired so deeply to have someone who would just tell me the truth and stop telling me that everything I did was good. By the grace of God, He sent those people in my life...... people that recognized I needed help, guidance, direction, honest feedback and a swift kick in the butt.
Some of it came from my friend, Mark, who is a gifted songwriter. He saw that I needed stronger songs to sing. And so He allowed me to sing my heart through his music. He offered to work with me on the songs I was writing so we could make them better. My ministry needed someone like him and I am so grateful. Some of it came from my producer who worked with me on the last two Tree Hill Collective Recordings. OK, he may have made me cry, but that's mostly because He speaks so much truth, pushes me harder than I have ever been pushed, challenges me on the words and notes that I sing and does not let me slack. He tells me to deal and accept certain things and face others things head on. He does not let me cower. I thrive on that. Last week as I was leading worship at a church. I could hear His voice in my head "Why are you singing that song" "What does that mean" "Who are you singing to" "You sound like you don't care" "Did you just belch in the microphone?" Having him speak truth in my life challenges me everyday to stay focused on why I do what I do and who I am doing it for. It keeps my eyes fixed on Jesus the author and perfector. I am a better worship leader, piano player, singer, writer and leader because of what the people in my life have dared to do for me....speaking truth in love, the hard not so fun truth. I love it. I need it. Do I accept it easily all the time? No, sometimes I pout my lip, sometimes I walk out, sometimes I cry, (my husband, Bob, knows this best as He is my biggest truth-giver) but just about every time, I come back a whole lot stronger and a whole lot wiser than I was when I first started. For that I thank these brothers in Christ. I could not walk this road without them! So it leads me to this. If I appreciate truth so much and the fact that people dare to give it to me, am I loving people the same way by speaking truth to them? For me the answer lately has been yes, but it has been hard. And when it is difficult, I just remember how much I desire truth and desire to do the same for others as God leads me. #LoveGodLoveOthers Who loves you in truth and who are you loving the same way? |
The BlogA collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen. AuthorAs an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head. Categories
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