A "Need to Know Basis"

​I would say in general I am not a huge information giver. I am not an over-sharer (most of the time), in fact, I probably under share, leave out details and intentionally hold back, which can frustrate certain people in my life who love all the deets! (aka, my mom. LOL)

For someone that shares publicly about my life, struggles, victories in Jesus and my testimony, you may be surprised how guarded I really am. I often operate on a "need to know basis" or a "you'll know when you know" expectation and hope people to be okay with how I operate. 

Some might say it's controlling, others might say I'm incredible guarded and have a difficult time trusting people. Whichever it is, I am also fine when others don't share all the details or wait until the last minute to let me know what I need to know. I kind of just trust that if I need to know something, I will and if I don't, I'm all good.

So WHY??? Why have I spent so much time obsessing over what the thorn in Paul's side was?!?! Why did he hold back on the details. Why the lack of info?

Was it an actual thorn? If it was, that certainly would hurt. Was it a representation of a mental struggle, depression, anxiety, loneliness? Those can be difficult to navigate. Could it have been a physical issue, a festerring wound, chronic pain?

Lately, I have begun to think that the thorn in his side was sciatica! Why do I think that... because of the battle I am going through with my own sciatic nerve issues, treatments, and debilitating pain.

The past 6 months month of crying out to God for relief, crying on my pillow, being held back from doing so many of the things I want to do and need to get done have been halted. As I call to God, I hear him say so clearly “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Well God, I am weak. I am weary of it. So I ask...may I respond as Paul did and  boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I see God's grace in the moments of relief He gives me. I see God's grace when His strength pushes me through the pain to keep going. I see God's grace when I worship and my eyes are lifted to the King. I see God's grace in how He manages my days and helps me through it with hope.

He is my anchor. He is my hope that things will get better...and even if they don't His power is perfect and without flaw.

I don't need to know what the thorn actually was, I just need to know that God's grace is sufficient.  

In your struggle, in your deep pain, join me in lifting our eyes to the hills, opening are heart to hear God say “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”