My father would always find the positive in any situation and so I try and model that example in my life. Sometimes it is harder than at other times, but today this is what I gleaned from a week of struggling with depression. For those that don't know, I have struggled most of my life with depression, sometimes needing medication, but in the last decade it has been completely manageable without. The bouts are shorter and the lows (for this bi-polar chick) are not as great as in years past-Praise God!
Positive #1 I lost 5 pounds. Hey I'll take. I am not advocating depression as a form of weight loss, but simply stating the fact that I lost 5 pounds which I have been trying to do for the last month through healthy food choices and exercise with no luck. Now if you know me you will know that I say this while LOL with a smile.
The real joy that I saw is that, through this emotionally tough week that was filled with sadness, much weariness, trouble getting out of bed, more sleeping that normal and a great of amount of just being lethargic with many tears, is this, God is Good ALWAYS and in the midst of the struggle God still uses me to do His work, to glorify Him, to worship Him to give Him praise and to remind me that He is my only source for strength, hope, love and forgiveness.
My time in the Word was powerful, His ability to work through me in my writing, recording and ministering to others does not stop because I feel a certain way. This week I was finalizing some writings that I was working on and in it, I discussed how often times we feel disqualified. There was a time in my life where I would allow my depression to disqualify me from pressing on, praising Him and getting out of bed.
But today, through the brokenness, through sadness, through tears........ God's will be done. For that, I thank Him. He is my strength, my light, my hope. So today as I travel to go and minister to people through music, I know that even though there is a heaviness that I can't shake, my God is Good, My God is faithful, always present, close to the brokenhearted and so in love with me.
May God work through you in any season of your life and in any situation. May glory always be given to Him the lover and comforter of our soul.
Be blessed, friends.
This is what the heart of David sang during his trouble. May it bless you.
O Lord, Deliver My Life
1 O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?
4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?
6 I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.
8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.