As I sat down to write this blog, I had a completely different focus until my fingers hit the keyboard. I was going to share a funny little take on rumors that I thought would encourage you, but instead, I find myself standing in a place of tension. On one side, I hear a whisper of what I am to write and on the other side, I hear my flesh saying "Don't share that, it's one of the secrets that no one knows, the one you have kept hidden for so long.
Yet, as I sit here, I wonder......I wonder if anyone else feels this way...so I write.
Before we jump in, here was my original post. "I heard a rumor, God can do all things" and then I was going to tell you how some rumors are true and aren't we glad this one is, but instead, a shift happened and this is where we are left. Rumors... they have the power.
It is no secret that I was very reckless in my past, emotionally, physically and sexually. But, there are vivid moments in my life that I remember as turning points. Today, I am going to share one of those pivotal moments with you.
As a senior in high school, I sat confidently at the chemistry lab table talking with friends, minding my own business and doing my work. Then, I heard the whispers. I saw the way the girls looked at me and I found the note that someone had written. I remember it like it was yesterday. It said what a slut Mia was. It listed the names of certain boys that I had sex with and all the things I had done with them and it labeled me a whore.
That note crushed me. That note wrongly confirmed all the things I believed about myself. The only thing was.....I WAS a virgin. Now I am not saying I was holier than thou, I repeatedly put myself in situations that allowed boys to make up stories about me, but what I did know is that the words in that note were not true, but still, I allowed it to speak to me. I allowed it to change me.
I remember at that moment giving up. I consciously decided to not try anymore and just become wholeheartedly what everyone else already believed about me. I allowed it to become my truth and I set out to act on my new identity.
I turned into what they said I was. And for lack of better words, I was "on a roll" and I didn't know how to stop. I remember keeping track of all the men I had been with, writing their names in a secret place in the corner of my closet wall, clinging to a (false) truth that a "real whore" wouldn't know how many men she had slept with, but this too became tangled and hard to manage and I would spend years sinking down into a false identity, self destruction, unplanned pregnancy and adultery.
Now, I share all of that (even though I didn't want to) not to say that all because of that one note, I became the way I was....and to be honest, I don't know why I am sharing this at all.
But maybe, if we realize that the words we say have the power to build up and also destroy, we will be a bit more attentive as to what comes out of our mouths and more importantly what is in our hearts. Maybe, we will realize that rumors, gossip and slander, can really hurt the spirit of a person. Maybe we will even realize that rumors (most of the time) are not even true. And maybe, just maybe, we will realize how powerful we truly are.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."
Or perhaps, we will realize that rumors DO NOT define us. Perhaps someone will be reminded that no matter what the world says about them, God speaks a truth into us that can not be tangled, distorted or disproved. Perhaps we will realize that sometimes people are just mean, but God is good.
Maybe, my friend, (who this is specifically for) you too will realize,
as I now realize, that "I am who the Great I AM says I am!"
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17
"I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14
I sign off, with a rock in my stomach, nervous to post this, but more nervous not to.
I love you in the Lord!
My sweet friend Rachel Barrentine sings it perfectly. Take a listen HERE: SAYS I AM
A collection of writings from a life based on the truth that about midnight anything can happen.
As an imperfect servant of the Lord, I often feel I am fumbling my way through life, looking upward for guidance and outward to love. So, I write about it, to break up the noise in my head.